About a Break Up. Work Shop 12/10

I lie in my bed and close my eyes. A tear runs from my eye warming my face. I lay still and silent, thinking to myself. Maybe I have just realized it’s time to move on. Yet something inside of me is pulling back, making me hold on to you. I just don’t know what it is. I get up and walk across the room. I just need to talk to you. There are some words that I need to say. The voice in my head is an angry one now. I go and take me cell phone off the charger and begin to dial your number. I hang up even before it connects. I look down at my hands and think about what I am doing. I can’t talk to you, I know I can’t. I turn my phone over in my sweaty palm. I don’t know why my hands are sweating this much. What am I so nervous about? I don’t get it. My heart began to beat rapidly and it starts to feel as though it is going to jump right out of my chest. Am I the only one that can hear how loud my heart is beating against my empty chest? I just have to hear your voice; maybe it will change my mind. No, I can’t. Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I care about you so much? I know what I have to do. I dial again, this time letting it go a second longer before I hang up, I can’t do it. I put the phone back down on the bed and walk away. I sit down, and stand up. I can’t sit down, and I can’t stand still. I walk across the room once more and I pick up the pen off of the desk, at least it will give my hands something to do and maybe they will stop shaking so much. The phone begins to ring; bringing me back towards the bed, I look at the screen, it’s you. My knees give out and my body feels weak. I pick up. You can tell that I have been crying, you always know. “I love you, but I can’t be with you anymore it’s just too hard to look you in the face after all the awful things you have put me through” I say, and then I hang up. Motionless I lie back in my bed, close my eyes, and cry myself to sleep.