Tried to write something like Lydia Davis, A Mown Lawn:
A man ready to protest war- Protestant, Catholic, Jewish war. If protest is the test of pro-war, what’s the con? Con-war? Sounds like condor, an American vulture, a bird that preys and a man who prays. A man who sees, a man who saw, saw anti-war then Darfur, saw raw-itna then Rwanda. He’s sick with propaganda, sick with mistrust, distrust, distress, the stress- stress the peace, peace of mind, the blind follow the blind. And he hates it. But he wonders if his home is too warm to start a revolution. If his stomach’s too full, if his head’s too polluted. So he pays taxes, pays attention, pays-for-war, pays-it-forward.
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3 comments:
I really like this piece. I think that it is very cleaver, good job.
wow i must say " great job" i dont think i can do anything like this.....it flows so nicely.
That's a very nice play on words. Some phrases go very well together but others didn't seem to link each other as well as the others. One of the phrases where I found it less clear (assuming I'm understanding it properly) is: "Sounds like condor, an American vulture, a bird that preys and a man who prays". I can come up with relationships between "an American vulture" and a "man who prays" but I'm not exactly sure if this is what it's intended, so it's not as clear in connection and meaning as the others.
Overall though, I feel that you have some great phrases and links while still managing to keep the coherence of the story--something not so easy to do. You should try more pieces like this if this is what interests you.
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