Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Poems! by Patricia for Sept. 17

I have these two poems I wrote and I decided I wanted to workshop them. Hopefully I'll post my short story by tomorrow or Thursday by the latest! Constructive criticism welcomed!

Secrets (Why?)
I have things to tell you
but I'd rather tell you here
the reason I don't tell you face to face
because of fear

When you look at me
I feel tons of insecurities

When you hold my hand
I don't think of you as my man

When you give me a compliment
I feel you are judging me like Parliament

When you tell me you love me
It feels like you're hovering me

See the reasons I cannot tell you?
For fear that you have secrets too

I Saw
As we walked down the river
We saw the snakes slither
I saw a monarch butterfly
It flew through the sun filled sky
He saw a crow in a tree
I told him to let it be
I saw a blue fish
He told me to make a wish
He saw a unicorn
Its glowing rainbow horn
I saw a shining star
I could see it very far
He saw a full moon
It was time to go soon
He said, "I saw an angel"
I gasped! "Who was it?
He replied, "You"

4 comments:

Corey Frost said...

Thanks, Patricia. You're welcome to post the story too, if it's not too long. Just let us know which texts you want us to focus on for the 17th.

Trishy said...

Hi Professor, I guess the short story and these two poems. I promise to have the story up by tomorrow night, Thursday the latest. I promise it'll be short. Thanks again!

nadia said...

I really enjoyed reading the poem "I saw". The ending just really got to me. What i liked was the heavy description of the scenery. It seemed magical-sort of unreal. The scenery really fit the ending where he replied it was you. It kind of also seemed magical. But i think that the last answer the boy gave (you) is too direct. I think that you should have ended it with him hesitating a little bit like: it was..it was you. Otherwise the poems sounds really great.

Justine said...

Secrest (Why?)- I liked the way you ended the poem by bringing it back to the idea in the begining.

I think that this poem works well because it has a good flow to it. I liked how you asked the question in teh end because it really gives the reader something to think about.

I Saw- I really like the imagery of this poem. It really captures the feel of a dream something almost magical. Also, I like that it rhymes.