I posted this poem before but I added something to it. I'm not sure how well it flows but I wanted to try to expand on it. Here it is
"The Cycle of Love"
You say one thing
But do you mean another?
Sometimes I believe you
But sometimes I don’t.
There’s so much confusion
Is this normal?
One day I’m happy
But other days I’m not.
I’m emotionally unstable
Is that your fault?
You do everything right
But you do a lot of things wrong.
You know exactly how to make me smile
But you know exactly how to make me frown.
Is this normal?
Everyone must feel this way at a point in time
I should just deal with it right?
Maybe this feeling will go away soon.
When I’m with you it feels perfect
When I’m not with you it feels perfect.
What am I supposed to feel?
There’s so much confusion
Is this normal?
When we're in the presence of love it's these emotions that flow through our body and minds, this sense of instability.
Is the never ending cycle of love normal?
We hear those fairytale stories everyday where it was love at first sight.
When you don't even know this person and you say you are already in love with them.
Then if we don't have this fairytale story about both people being completely in love with eachother and they're number one in eachothers lives, does that mean we have failed at love? Is there a chance maybe that there's still genuine love out there that even though you have to work at it at times?
The one you have to work at because you want so bad not to let go.
But then are you forcing eachother to be together and you should just stop forcing it and move on?
No one wants to work at anything anymore, it's so much easier to just wait for that fairytale.
8 comments:
I like the extension a lot, I'm not sure it fits with the simplicity of the first poem though. My favorite lines are:
-Is there a chance maybe that there's still genuine love out there that even though you have to work at it at times?
-But then are you forcing each other to be together and you should just stop forcing it and move on?
No one wants to work at anything anymore, it's so much easier to just wait for that fairytale.
Most people write about the 'fairytale' love or the 'broken hearted' love, but not the annoying gray area that happens in between, so I love that you wrote about that!
nice raw emotion. When the words are kept real and colloquial like that it's alot easier to relate to. Yep, they definitley lied to us with those fairy tales back in the day, and the true complication of relationships in modern romance is really shown in some of your lines that are so frustrated they don't even make sense, "When I’m with you it feels perfect
When I’m not with you it feels perfect."
I also love the topic you wrote on: the confusions of live. I like your repetition of "Is this normal?" but I felt that the poem could benefit more if you divided them into different stanzas. Also, I think this poem would benefit from a more regular beat. The Professor said the same thing about my poem and I think it's true. A more organized beat and structure could make this poem even better. I liked your second part, but in some ways I feel that it could be stronger as a seperate poem. The first half already has so much emotion that I don't feel that the explanation is needed. Overall, excellent job!
I really enjoyed reading this in terms of finding your insight on what love is. Love is just such an interesting subject to write about and you definetly drew me in into you views upon it. I think that all that you have written with italics should be incorpated into the poem as a continuation rather than an explanation just becuase the first part of the poem is self explanitory. I think that you should extend the first part and just continue with it. Otherwise i agree with you on the idea of love being a fairytale rather than reality. Maybe you should incorporate into your poem as instance such as cinderella as she enters the ball and contiue your poem from there how there is no longer love at first sight.
Nice job.I like your vulnerability in the poem.Its nice the way you incorporated the many questions which pointed out to the reader that love is confusing and it causes people to become confused.
WOW i must say you did a great explaining how many of us feel abt "love". There is so much abt it that we just cant explain and well i think most of the time we are forced to believe in these fairytales that really dont exist. This is more like the reality of LOVE and u did an excellent job!!!!
I love the following lines :-
they way u expressed them , i can certainly relate:-)
-When I’m with you it feels perfect
When I’m not with you it feels perfect.
-Then if we don't have this fairytale story about both people being completely in love with eachother and they're number one in eachothers lives, does that mean we have failed at love? Is there a chance maybe that there's still genuine love out there that even though you have to work at it at times?
The one you have to work at because you want so bad not to let go.
But then are you forcing eachother to be together and you should just stop forcing it and move on?
No one wants to work at anything anymore, it's so much easier to just wait for that fairytale.
" Is there a chance maybe that there's still genuine love out there that even though you have to work at it at times?"
I don't quite get this phrase (and I don't mean in terms of content), did you mean "Is there a chance maybe that there's still genuine love out there even though you have to work at it at times?" Or did you meant the "that" to be there? I just find it a bit confusing structurally.
I love this poem. I think that it is very well written. I like the two parts, although I dont think the second part is needed to explain what you mean I think that it works. You do a good job of explaining the feelings that so many of us have had at least once in our life.
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