Sunday, September 28, 2008

A Broken Love Story by Nadia for Oct. 6

With every piece of work comes inspiration. Here is one of my works with a few “good” people who inspired me to write this. If there are any grammatical errors here and there that I may not be aware of feel free and let me know. Hope you like it.

Let me tell you a story
Of a guy I once knew,
A “typical” fellow
Like all, who knew?

He tricked me in love
Got my heart in a loop,
Here is a summary
Of how low he did stoop;

His actions were ruthless,
His words ran in vain,
His personality lacked character,
His eyes wandered without shame.

He washed away my spirits,
He left my brain to wonder,
He rid me of my pride,
He caused my heart to thunder.

The word is insomnia,
Sleepless nights as defined.
He left me in a restless state
With a heavy load of questions in my mind.

Did he not have a conscience?
Did he not care?
Did his ego overpower his morals?
Did his heart consider it fair?

I know what you’re thinking
How foolish am I
Got caught up in love
Could not say goodbye.

Was I really that blind?
Was my naitivity really that high?
Did I actually believe
His every lie?

The answer to these questions
I sadly say is yes,
Yet time was my leading factor
That helped me escape this mess.

Now what was once
A stupid little girl,
Grew to learn the truth
Of this truly devastating world;

Crushes and infatuations
Are emotions on the loose
They are nothing but
A few playful tales of Dr. Suess

However, Love is abstract
Its meaning is unknown
What you may think of love
Is probably not relative at all.

5 comments:

JoAnne said...

I really enjoyed your story especially the
"His actions were ruthless,
His words ran in vain,
His personality lacked character,
His eyes wandered without shame." part

Trishy said...

I felt that this poem could be read at a poetry slam. There was a consistent beat throughout. I'm curious though, what did you mean by thw word "nativity"? Also, this piece has a very colloquial tone. The Professor said my poem also had a colloquial tone; I wonder how that would work for this piece. Overall, great job!

nadia said...

Thank you for your feedback. I actually meant to write naitivity but the computer changed it to nativity. Thanks for pointing that out.

William said...

I find the overall framework of the story reminiscent of some sort of fable(without the "animals"). In fact, it sounds like the type of story a mother would tell his daughter, in a reflective, suggesting type of way with the classical hope of not repeating the same mistakes.

Justine said...

I really like this piece because it is composed of lots of emotion, and it is something that I can relate to. For the most part, the second and third lines rhyme helping this piece to keep a steady flow and keep the beat.