I wrote a very short piece about the time every year where you can first "feel" it is spring. This is the translated one.
It is the smell. Incurious what the recognized first day of spring is, it is really that beginning of new season until [otoy] you can smell him. When you enter in your house or your car and strikes to you, the smell. It cannot be described, but you I guarantee if you walk always on a accidental news Yawker and them you ask who smells spring as the inevitable answer it is always “the spring smells as in spring shake”. You satisfy in order to you say that in a foreigner this answer would perhaps even appear rude, unpleasant, but in one New Yorker specifically one from this Brooklyn is not a astonishing answer. He is comfortable, you it makes you feel as the house. It makes you the sense [san] you are a part of exclusive club that only you and 10 million or thus other persons you are also member. I lose those days I emanate [kat]'? house from the school in the dues his April or in the beginnings May and the explosion in my house and the reception of big breathing. That smell activated and relaxes in the precise same time. I would not observe him never anyone [allosdipote] time of day. Now he is different, him I observe continuously via outside my day when I am [kat]'? house. Be the centennial timber or the rust in the screws, thousands screws and nails that [oxydonoyn] behind the leaf [liknisan] the walls in my room. Some file of smells you. It is a smell that no one in the ground could not always hate.
And this is the Original one. I wrote this in ninth grade I think so bear with it.
It’s the smell. Regardless what the recognized first day of spring is, it isn’t really that beginning of the new season until you can smell it. When you walk into your house or your car and it hits you, the smell. It can’t be described, but I guarantee you if you ever walk up to a random New Yawker and ask them what spring smells like the inevitable answer is always; “spring smells like spring jerk-off”. Suffice it to say that to an outsider this answer would seem rude, maybe even offensive, but to a New Yorker especially one from Brooklyn this is not a surprising answer. It is a comfortable one, makes you feel like home. Makes you feel as if you’re a part of an exclusive club that only you and 10 million or so other people are also a member of.
I miss those days of coming home from school in late April or early May and bursting into my house and taking a big breath. That smell was energizing and relaxing at the exact same time. I would never notice it any other time of the day. Now it’s different, I notice it constantly through out my day when I’m home. It might be the century old wood or the rust on the screws, the thousands of screws and nails rusting behind the sheet rocked walls in my room. Some smells envelope you. It’s a smell no one on earth could ever hate.
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4 comments:
This is really good.
In your original piece, you seemed to fully capture the attitude of a true New Yorker. This short story sounds very stereotypical of the New York life-the smell and the accent ("New Yawker")in which you emphasied. I also liked the way you described New York's smell; “spring smells like spring jerk-off”. You went on to further explaining how us, New Yorkers, would interpret that line and how others would be offended by it. I have to say that we atually do accept these phrases very leniently while other countries dont.
The translation sounds a little bit different from the grammer of your original work. Im curious as to what language you translated it to.
I think i used greek.
Great stuff. Some of the results of the babelfishization are priceless. "It is a smell that no one in the ground could not always hate." What I like about this exercise is not the really obvious stuff, like mistranslated words, but the more subtle shifts, like fractured grammar. Perhaps you could try editing this a bit, picking out the lines that seem most unusual and poetic, and reshaping it into a poem that emphasizes the sound and form rather than the meaning.
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