Broken Glass. That was all she could think about.
I draw on my notebook often
They are very random pictures;
From a flower to a glistening eye
Not artist worthy though
Have I let it discourage me?
Yes, because I care too much about what others think
I wish I could be more carefree
I wish more people understood me.
My best friend is the sweetest person ever
All the men admire her
I try to stand out, and I cannot
No one glances my way
Have I let it discourage me?
Yes, because I care too much about what others think
I wish I could be more carefree
I wish more people understood me.
There was one man who seemed like everything
Intelligent and attractive
Couldn’t stop thinking about him
Didn’t even want my friendship
Have I let it discourage me?
Yes, because I care too much about what others think
I wish I could be more carefree
I wish more people understood me.
There is a drive within me
Excellent GPA and a honors student
Want to make my parents proud
Always worrying about it
Have I let it discourage me?
Yes, because I care too much about what others think
I wish I could be more carefree
I wish more people understood me.
There is something to be said about telling the truth
It is hard, but the aftermath is so refreshing
You decide to take a risk. Sometimes it works or does not.
I took a risk, and as usual, I was let down
Have I let it discourage me?
Yes, because I care too much about what others think
I wish I could be more carefree
I wish more people understood me.
Glass breaks. Blood. Tears. Why didn’t they understand her?!?!
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8 comments:
Hi Patricia... i like this piece a lot, great usage of repetition. In every stanza where as you express your thoughts ending with the same conclusion made the piece stronger, more fulfill and meaningful. Also the piece had a sense of organization despite the repetition which added to its wholesomeness.
People have an image of themselves, and an image that they put on for other people. I was wondering if the significance of the broken glass was like trying to show your true self to the rest of the world?
I find this piece so interesting because you deal with personal thoughts and feelings. You're expressing yourself for all of us to see! I love that sort of poetry where the reader can glimpse into the mind of the writer.
I also find interesting how the central piece of the poem is about "me", but the very first line and very last line use "she" and "her".
Patricia this is a very deep poem. What i like was the use of the repetion of the last 3 lines of each stanza. The way you incoropated this usage into the poem does not make it seem redundant. On the contrary, it does just the opposite. Using the she and he as Maria suggests creates a narrative in the background. I think that the broken glass that you have mentioned would be better as a broken mirror just because a mirror represents a self-image, and during your poem you talk about the destruction of your inner-self. Thats just a small suggestion. Otherwise, i really liked this poem and the emotions that you conveyed.
Patricia,
Like I said about your other piece, I felt like I could definitely relate to this one. Filipino tradition - if not Asian tradition in general - places such an emphasis on outward appearance and the way that other people perceive you, and it really has affected aspects of my personal character and often leads me to being insecure and very self conscious in certain situations.
Taking this perspective in mind, I perceived this as a girl looking into a mirror, surveying everything that she sees herself as in direct opposition to the way she portrays herself to others, and at the end all the feelings have built into so much frustration and anger about who she REALLY is that she smashes the mirror.
I honestly don't know if there's anything you could do to improve this; it might be one of my favorite pieces that I've read since we started this class. Great job =)
I understand that this piece can "touch" certain people. The only thing is it really is a gender specific poem, as alot of patricias poems are, which isnt a bad thing at all, she is quite good at writing them, but i, as a guy, dont have the connection to this as some of the girls in the class seem to have. It was Interesting, I liked the repetition.
Patricia, I loved this piece. As I was reading it I just wanted to keep reading it and see where it was going to end up. I liked how you used the repition of the piece throughout the lines it gave it a sense of structure and organization like jody-ann said. I was wondering though what the Title "Broken Glass" actually means. And the last part was so strong how you said they didnt understand "her" it sounded to me as if someone else ended up finishing "her" story because something happened to her because of her insecurities. I don't know if I'm totally wrong but that's what I thought of.
Patricia,
This is a disarmingly straight-forward poem about self-consciousness, discouragement, and perhaps suicide? (For me, it seemed that the broken glass was a metaphor for a self-inflicted death.)
In terms of the writing style, the thing that I find interesting is that the language is so restrained, almost prosaic, as though the narrator has given up on anything creative or fanciful, which adds to the somber feeling of the poem. The thing about this, though, is that it creates a flat affect - in other words, there is very little in the way of emotional highs and lows in the poem. Do the rest of you agree?
I'll be interested to discuss this in class as we address the emotional impact of the poem and where it comes from, and I also want to talk about Jacob's suggestion that this is a gender-specific poem.
Very nice poem! At the end you wrote glass broke, blood ,tears.It sounded like she was crying and maybe hit herself in the head with a bottle or something. Is she dead? Because with the addition of the other character stating "why didn't more people understand her", sounds as if she commited suicide.
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